Nebraska Synod ELCA

by Amy Buch, Communications Manager

“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding,
but one who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” – Proverbs 14:29

We live in a world of “instant” – everything from potatoes to messages to accessing information. Long gone are the days of waiting for a letter to arrive. In many ways, this is wonderful! I’m a pretty big fan of technology and those who develop it. In the last few days, many of us in eastern Nebraska realized how thankful we are that Ben Franklin got out his kite in 1752. In other ways, it’s made many of us lose patience… with waiting for the message, the Amazon package, and, unfortunately, with each other.

In our instant world, we often use the terms “reacting” and “responding” interchangeably, yet they are entirely different approaches to communication. How can we improve our relationships by learning the difference? When a comment, email, or social media post hits a nerve, it can be difficult not to react. Whoever started the phrase “Biting my tongue” packed a lot of wisdom in those three words.

I’m typically a slow reactor. However, it can be a different story if you are close to me. I remember a time I had a big reaction in front of my oldest daughter (not at her, but most definitely in front of her), and as I was walking the dog to regain my composure, I got a call from my younger daughter with a bit of a giggle and a “you okay, Mom? I understand you said some words I’ve never heard you say before.” Busted, for sure. If I’d only walked the dog before “reacting,” that might have gone differently, and I wouldn’t have to hear, “Remember the time Mom said… ”

One of the “instant” things I’ve grown to love is AI… and it quickly told me that reacting is driven by emotions and can be characterized by impulsivity, lack of thought, and a focus on immediate gratification or defense. Responding, on the other hand, involves a conscious choice to engage thoughtfully with a situation. It requires self-awareness, emotional regulation, and consideration of the consequences of one’s actions. Just reading this AI explanation makes me feel embarrassed at my above, most admittedly emotional “reaction.”

So, in this modern world of “instant,” how do we learn to pause, listen, and consider the other person’s point of view and be in touch with our emotional triggers? You know, going back to the whole “Cultivating Love through Response” theme we’ve been talking about? What would the world look like if we all remembered this? Would we have a more compassionate and understanding society? I think the above verse from Proverbs gives us a pretty big indication.