Nebraska Synod ELCA

By Chaplain Ric Miller, Parish Ministry Associate at Arboretum Village, An Immanuel Community

We live our lives always knowing that “someday we will have to have the conversation” with our parents or with our children about a change in our living environment. And that discussion will have several different perspectives from several different invested parties.  Where would we begin?

Obviously, our hearts will be ‘heavy’ and we should always begin with prayer and meditation. There is no one right answer for everyone, and no “cookie-cutter” plan that fits all.

We begin with a person’s family. Is there a son or daughter who lives close by, and who offers to be the “first” caregiver in the aging persons’ life?  Should the new retirement community be close to the hospital or doctor’s offices, or should it be close to Church or shopping venues like the drug store or grocery store?

We begin with an assessment of what might be available for the rent? And how much downsizing will be acceptable to keep the apartment feeling like a home?  And then what happens to the possessions that do not fit.

We begin with the sadness that comes with goodbyes. Leaving the home can be traumatic, but leaving a farm or garage full of tools can also bring sadness.  Saying goodbye to neighbors you have treated like family, along with businesses you have patronized, like restaurants, for 20-30 years.

Beginnings can now change, also. 

At the new retirement community, we find new friends and some old friends.  We realize we all like to socialize over coffee each day and begin new routines and schedules.  We begin to realize we all lived through the same events in life, the same military conflicts, snowstorms, state championships and trendy fads.

Some of us even realize we like BINGO more than we used to.  And we begin to remember our favorite old songs and sing them together.  And at weekly worship, we begin to realize we all like the same old hymns even if we are from different denominations.

And, for most, we begin to realize that we are among good people who have experienced hardships just like us.  They have had to give up their homes.  They could have lost their spouse, and they all know what it’s like to miss the ones we love.  When we are saddened by those memories of loved ones, we can share them with others who will understand and trade memories with us.

We begin to realize we are in the best place we can be and be grateful for having the conversation!